


I Won't Tell a Soul

by jeonswonwoo



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Cheating, M/M, also DO NOT CHEAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, but very very brief markson, i mention them once - Freeform, it's all there is to this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-12
Updated: 2016-12-15
Packaged: 2018-09-08 03:24:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8828536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeonswonwoo/pseuds/jeonswonwoo
Summary: It was never supposed to happen like this.





	1. I Won't Tell a Soul

**Author's Note:**

> so here i am with another fic which i wrote in one sitting when i should be sleeping. i got this idea when i was listening to charlie puth's i won't tell a soul and i kind hate myself for it. it's 100% angst and i'm sorry.  
> i slept two hours because of this so y'all better enjoy it. 
> 
> disclaimer: i do not think cheating is a good thing and by no means i'm trying to romanticize it. DO NOT CHEAT!

It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. 

When Bambam first met Yugyeom he was sure he wasn’t even going to like the guy. Yuri always went for the jackasses, the bad boys™, and Bambam was ready to deal with that kind of guy. What he wasn’t ready was to meet a guy much taller than him and the sweetest and nicest person he’s met in a while, with a passion for dance that his eyes glowed every time he talked about it. 

One thing about Bambam is that he tends to think with his dick a lot of the time, which always turns out to be a problem for him, and this time is not an exception. 

Yugyeom is a very attractive man. He’s tall, his chocolate colored hair falls on his forehead slightly parting in the middle, and he as the cutest mole under his eye that makes Bambam scream internally whenever he looks at it. He always forces himself to look away from his lips because they always look so beautiful and inviting, and Bambam’s own itch to kiss him so badly every time he sees him. 

If anyone asks Bambam he’ll tell them he extended his staying in Thailand because he was homesick after being away for two years, but the reality is that he developed the stupidest crush in the world for his cousin’s boyfriend and he kind of spent two whole hours trying to convince his boss to work from Thailand for a while, but no one needs to know about that. 

He was supposed to stay in Thailand for two weeks, he had worked two years straight without a single vacation and he deserved this time away, but his cousin had the brilliant idea of forcing Bambam to hangout with Yugyeom every day for the entirety of his vacations. Apparently the guy didn’t have any friends in Thailand and that made him overwork himself a lot more than he would if he had anyone to hangout with, so Yuri made her boyfriend take sometime out and just relax, and it just so happened that Bambam was in town during that time. At first he was really forced to do it, he’s not gonna lie, he just wanted to be alone and spend time his mom and his siblings, not trying to pretend he liked to spend time with someone he didn’t really know, he did plenty of that already back in the UK. But the more the two of them spent time together, the more Bambam realized he wasn’t being forced to do it anymore, that he didn’t force his smiles anymore, or his laughs. He genuinely liked to spend time with Yugyeom and at first that kind of took him by surprise.

Finding out they had so much in common, like their musical taste or how Bambam used to dance until he finished university and stopped having time to do it anymore, made the awkwardness that had been there since the first moment go away. So when the two weeks came to an end Bambam realized he didn't really want to leave, that he hates the idea of not spending time with Yugyeom anymore, but he pushes down those thoughts and pretends the reason that his been trying to convince his boss for the past two hours that he can work from Thailand for some time instead of going back to the UK is solely because he is homesick. 

 

He realizes his crush is not a crush anymore when he’s seriously considering looking for a job in Thailand and quit the one he has in the UK all together. He knows he’s fucked, he knows it’s wrong, but he convinces himself that it’s okay to be in love with your cousin’s boyfriend if you don’t act on it, if he can force himself to pretend he doesn’t feel anything. 

Everything is going smoothly, with Bambam successfully pretending Yugyeom is just a really close friend, when the other goes back to work and Bambam goes by the studio to watch him dance. 

The way Yugyeom moves and the way he feels the music, the passion that just irradiates from him with each move he does, has Bambam unable stop himself from following every movement, his mouth slightly open, no matter who many times he tried to close it. 

“Do you wanna dance?” Yugyeom asks and Bambam is brought back to reality.

“No, no, no!” He refuses. “I haven't danced in six years, I’ll probably look like a headless chicken. Maybe another day.”

“Oh, c’mon, I’ve seen some videos of you dancing back in the day. You were really good,” he starts. “I’m pretty sure you didn’t just forget how to dance.”  


“Sometimes I really hate Yuri, please make sure to tell her that,” he laughs and he gets up because he knows there’s no way he’s running way from this. 

“She just really wanted us to bond.” 

Bambam really regrets not dressing more comfortably today, being a fashion icon as it’s disadvantages sometimes, he guesses. 

Everything starts off alright, Bambam is catching every step Yugyeom is doing — which surprises him a lot — until there’s one he can’t really seem to get his head around how he has to position his body so Yugyeom tries to help him. He’s trying to pretend he can’t feel the taller man’s breathing on his neck as he talks, or how his touch is sending shivers through his whole body. It’s when Bambam unconsciously turns to look at the other man that shit goes south. 

He pretends he doesn’t see him looking at his lips, or how his face is getting closer and closer until their noses are touching and he can feel Yugyeom’s breathing on his lips, and he almost loses it. He is about to turn away before he does something really stupid when Yugyeom just kisses him, and he’s so surprised by his action that he takes him a total of five seconds to respond to it. But when he does it feels like everything he dreamed of. It’s warm and soft but still full of passion and want, it’s too eager but still not eager enough to make up for all the time he has been wanting to do this, his stomach feels like it’s about to fall out of his ass and his hands are shaking from the excitement, so he tangles his fingers in the other man’s hair. 

“Stop, stop,” Bambam finally breaks the kiss and he’s breathless and feeling like the worst person in the world, because he just did the only thing he shouldn’t have done. “We can’t do this. This is wrong in so many ways,” he says but Yugyeom is still too close, and he’s so weak. 

“We really have to stop,” the other says kissing Bambam right after. 

“Yeah, we really do,” Bambam agrees in between kisses and before he knows it he has his legs wrapped around Yugyeom’s waist and he’s being pressed against the mirrors in the studio, not even carrying that someone might show up at any moment.

 

They promised that what happened in the studio wouldn’t repeat itself. And after Bambam got out of there, all swollen lips and soft hickeys on his neck, he was pretty sure he wouldn’t hear from Yugyeom ever again, and if they ever saw each other it would be awkward as hell and everyone would know something was wrong. But again he was completely wrong, and Yugyeom texted him saying that they should have lunch the next day at his place, that Yuri was going to stay at the office working and wouldn’t be able to have lunch with him. Bambam knew that if accepted it he was starting something that would end up hurting the both of them and his cousin, he was fully aware of that, but he was weak, he was so weak for this tall boy he met only a moth ago, so he agrees and sentences himself to disaster. 

 

He was teased to no end when he got home and his mom saw his neck, and he had to come up with some stupid lie about someone he had met a few days ago and that he was just trying to de-stress because his boss was being tougher than usual since he decided to stay in Thailand for a little longer. He’s a twenty-seven year old man, so his mom doesn’t really care if he has one night stands or not, or if he goes around having sex to just blow off some stress, but she still makes sure to tell him to be careful — and he knows his mom doesn’t know about what just happened, she couldn’t have, but it still feels has if she does and he feels like shit all over again. 

 

When he goes to Yugyeom’s place for lunch the next day he’s not even surprised they end up in bed, clothes everywhere and the only sounds that can be heard are their skin against each other and the moans they can’t keep to themselves. 

Bambam tries not to wonder for too long if being thankful for the fact that Yuri and Yugyeom don’t live together makes him an awful person, but it probably doesn’t as much as fucking her boyfriend does. 

 

The more time they spend together the more Bambam falls in love and the more his cousin encourages them to spend time together, because according to her Yugyeom looks happier and more relaxed, which kind of contrasts with Bambam himself — who feels heavier and more stressed, always looking over his shoulder and lying to everyone so no one even begins to think that the two of them might have something going on. It kills him that his cousin thinks that what they do together is play video games when their not working, or just dance together in the studio or go for walks in the city, when all they really do is be the worst versions of themselves and ruin each other little by little. At first it’s not visible that all this is killing them both inside, because Yugyeom is a great actor and if Bambam didn’t know better he would think this whole thing didn’t affect him at all. But he does know Yugyeom, and he’s seen him break in front of him because it kills him what they are doing but every time they try to stop they just fall back in bed, love confessions spilling out of their lips as they interlace their fingers together. It’s like a pull they can’t fight against no matter how hard they try. 

They are awful people and they can only blame themselves when the guilt starts growing bigger and bigger. Yugyeom starts smoking, and every day that goes by it’s like it increases more and more, even to the point that he’s doing it after they have sex, and Bambam drinks more than he should most days, but he pretends he doesn’t notice it. 

They are killing each other a little bit each day and it’s a vicious circle they can’t get out of, and it’s been three months since he came back to Thailand but it feels like three long years and he feels drained. He’s working with little to no sleep on him and he’s become a little too paranoid, thinking that every time someone looks at him they know how dirty he is, that he is the black sheep of their family. How every time Yuri looks at him he can’t look her in the eyes anymore out of guilt, because every time he does he’s reminded of all the kisses, all the hand holding, all the sex he and her boyfriend do behind her back, that every time he looks at her he has to see her beside Yugyeom, all laughs and sweet smiles, breaking the little pieces of his heart that he manages to keep together. 

He has no right to be jealous or mad, he’s fully aware of that. He’s the one that doesn’t belong, he’s the one that’s ruining a perfectly amazing person and a good relationship.

This thing that should’ve never started in the first place has completely consumed his life. It’s the thing he thinks about when he goes to bed and it’s the first thing he thinks about when he wakes up. On the days he manages to sleep, that is. 

And what were they even doing, cheating on his cousin and hiding behind everyone's back? 

Yugyeom had quit his job back home. He left his family and friends in Korea to be with Yuri because they were in love and Bambam has no right to take that away, to ruin that. What was he even thinking when he let all this continue? He's filthy, disgusting. He is a poor excuse of a human being. 

So when his boss offers him a place at the magazine’s new head quarters in the US he doesn’t think twice about it before accepting the it, because the only thing he can do to save Yugyeom from destroying himself even further is leaving and never coming back, because if he doesn’t do it right now he knows none of them will and they will only ruin themselves and his family. 

 

He leaves Thailand behind on a rainy morning, and it seems only fitting that the sky seems as sad and broken as he feels. He doesn’t tell anyone but his mom that he’s leaving and that he has accepted a job in the US, that he doesn’t know when he will be back home again, or if he ever will. He’s sure his mom knows that something has happened, and he doesn’t know how much she knows, but if she’s aware of his affair with Yugyeom she never mentions it. 

He texts Yugyeom before going on he plane saying that he can’t make it to his house today and that he left a letter for him with his mom, and turns his phone off right after. 

 

He’s leaving Yugyeom behind and he doesn’t dare himself to look back, because he knows if he does he will just leave the plane and run off into the arms of the man he’s so in love with.

 

 

+

 

To say that his adaptation to the US as been hard is an understatement. It has nothing to do with the culture or because of how different the weather in LA is from London or Thailand, and everything to do with the hole in his heart and the part of him that he left back home and that makes him look up plane tickets to Thailand every day, and the missing body cuddling next to his in bed and how he misses the way he just fits in Yugyeom’s embrace. 

He’s made friends, good friends. In the five months he’s been in LA as editor chief of FLY Magazine he’s met great people, people that make him forget all he left behind, all he did and how filthy he feels, but people who also make him miss home, and his family, and Yugyeom. No matter how much he loves Mark and Jackson, it still leaves him at the verge of a breakdown every time they are all lovey dovey and cute with each other — which unfortunately for Bambam is every five minutes. 

But he copes with it by immersing himself in his work and making the magazine the best magazine he can. Making it one of the best and the second best selling fashion magazine in the whole country at the end of the year. And he’s happy, he really is, and the first person he wants to tell the news to is Yugyeom but he doesn't when he realizes he erased his phone number from his phone, and he manages to stop himself from dialing it — because no matter how hard he tries he still knows it by heart —, so he decides to drink. He drinks until he can’t remember the other man's phone number, he drinks until he can forget the feeling of Yugyeom’s hands on his body and how it felt when he kissed him or when he touched him just like how he loved it. How Yugyeom knew every inch of his body like a pianist knows the keys of their piano with their eyes closed, how they know just the right keys to play to make the melody sound just perfect.

 

 

The hole in his heart only grows bigger when five weeks later Yugyeom and Yuri’s wedding invitation comes in the mail. He looks at it and his hands are shaking from the moment he picks it up, and he only realizes he’s crying when tears start to fall on the perfect picture of the couple smiling at him like they are making fun of his pain. He tells himself that he’s fine, that he’s happy that Yugyeom managed to pull himself together and that they are both together as they should be, but the next moment he’s breaking down, sobbing and ripping the invitation apart, breaking everything he can put his hands on and screaming how much he hates himself, how filthy and disgusting he is because no matter how long it has been and no matter how hard he tries he can’t stop himself from being in love with his cousin’s fiancé.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to any people who actually read the end notes: i actually wrote bambam's letter to yugyeom bc i'm that kind of asshole, so if anyone wants me to post it just ask me to and i will. anyway i hope you don't hate me too much after this <3


	2. Letting Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bambam was all he ever wanted but never allowed himself to have. Bambam smelled like cleaned clothes and warm coffee and he felt like home away from home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i went all the way and instead of just posting the letter i did a whole chapter from yugyeom's pov bc yes i am that much of an asshole.  
> disclaimer: and again DO NOT CHEAT!!!! be responsible and don't be an ass.

 

When he sits down and lets himself think about the last three months he feels dizzy and sick to his stomach. The fact that he actually thought he could pull it of, being with the man he loved away from the eyes of the rest of the world, but still have the commodity and the easy of having someone safe to go back to. Because that's what Yuri became. She became the safe choice, the easy way out, the relationship no one questioned him about. She was pretty, and nice, and successful. The girl he loved so much one day was just that, safe.

Bambam though, Bambam was risky. He was sneaky nights under the sheets, and secret dance lessons that turned into Bambam pressed against the mirrors with his pants and underwear all the way down to his ankles while Yugyeom set his whole body on fire. Bambam was risky and safe at the same time. Bambam was all he ever wanted but never allowed himself to have. Bambam smelled like cleaned clothes and warm coffee and he felt like home away from home.

 

When he met the guy he hoped he could make at least a nice acquaintance to be around, a nice friend in the best case scenario. Because even though he didn’t admitted to Yuri, he did miss having friends, and Skype calls with his best friends back home didn’t cut it. 

At first they were awkward around each other, and Yugyeom could see Bambam wanted to be anywhere else but having a conversation with him, but he still endured it for the sake of his cousin, Yugyeom assumes. And after that disastrous first meeting at the family hangout Yugyeom hoped Yuri took the hint and would stop trying to force her family members to be friends with him. Turns out that’s too much to ask of her and she put Bambam on Yugyeom duty for the rest of his vacations. The first few days when they met each other at some random coffee shop Bambam suggested, the guy looked ready to hit him every time he talked, and he can’t say he blamed him.

None of them was actually trying to get to know each other or to become actual friends, all they wanted was to make Yuri think they were getting along.

But then one day when they were walking through the city streets, being quiet and awkward around each other, there was a guy playing some song Yugyeom can’t even remember anymore and they found themselves happily singing it together. They had found their common ground, and after that it was easy to just fall into a nice friendship, and Yugyeom found out the smaller man used to dance before he left university. Maybe Yuri hadn’t been totally wrong when she said they had things in common, they just had to make an actual effort to be friends. 

Soon the awkwardness and silence turned into comfortable laughters and easy conversations. 

 

The feelings for the other man creeped out on him without him realizing it until it was too late to go back. 

They were playing video games glued to Yugyeom’s small couch when Bambam grabbed his hand for whatever reason and it was like his whole body was on fire. It was as if he had been aching for his touch this whole time and now that he felt it he never wanted to let go of that feeling. 

He thought he could keep it on the down low, that he had enough willpower to just push it down and pretend it didn’t exist. And if he’s being honest he was being pretty good at it, he really was, until he had the stupid idea of bringing Bambam to his dance studio when he went back to work.

Things were going great. He taught his classes and at the end he decided to practice a bit while Bambam was in the corner following his every move, with his mouth slightly open, and Yugyeom is not gonna lie, he likes the fact that the other man finds him attractive. Maybe that’s what triggered his boldness. 

“Do you wanna dance?” He asks and Bambam startles at his sudden question.

“No, no, no!” He refuses. “I haven't danced in 6 years, I’ll probably look like a headless chicken. Maybe another day.”

“Oh, c’mon, I’ve seen some videos of you dancing back in the day. You were really good,” he starts. “I’m pretty sure you didn’t just forget how to dance.”  


“Sometimes I really hate Yuri, please make sure to tell her that,” he laughs but gets up anyway. 

“She just really wanted us to bond,” he assures the other man with a smile. 

Even in here they contrast. Bambam dressed all fashionable with his skinny jeans that always look too small for him, a shirt with the first three buttons undone and dress shoes, while Yugyeom has an old shirt on, sweat pants and his trusty Nikes he only uses when he dances. As much as they might have the same interests they are still completely different, but it always feels like they fit together like two puzzle pieces.

For someone that hasn’t danced in so long, Bambam manages to follow is every move only having trouble with how to position his arms and legs at a certain point, so Yugyeom does what he is supposed to do and goes to help him. 

He should’ve just stayed put and finish for the day, but no, his dumb self had to go and ruin everything. 

He’s helping Bambam with his arm positioning and he is too close, it’s the closest they’ve ever been, when suddenly Bambam turns his face to look at him and it’s like he loses all the power over his own actions and he just kisses him. He kisses him and it’s better than all those times he thought about it. It was warm and felt like home, it was lustful and passionate, fast but still not fast enough. His whole body was on fire and he couldn’t get enough of this man in front of him. 

“Stop, stop,” Bambam breaks the kiss andhe’s brought back to reality, reminding him the fact that he just kissed someone that wasn’t his girlfriend. “We can’t do this. This is wrong in so many ways.” 

“We really have to stop,” he says still breathless and kissing the other man anyway. 

“Yeah, we really do,” Bambam agrees in between kisses and before Yugyeom realizes what he’s even doing, he pulls Bambam’s legs up and he wraps them around his waist, pressing him against the mirrors in the studio not carrying that someone might show up at any moment.

 

They promised each other they wouldn’t do it again. They couldn’t. It was wrong in every sense and they couldn’t do it to Yuri. But Yugyeom was weak, it was like Bambam turned off any willpower he had over himself, so the moment he gets home he texts Bambam to have lunch with him tomorrow and he’s pretty sure Bambam knows what he means when he agrees to it. 

He feels bad about the whole thing, he does, but it’s like his attraction to Bambam is clouding his judgement and he can’t stop the pull that brings them together. He’s a bad person and he’s greedy, he wants to have both Bambam and Yuri without having to give up one of them.

Making Yuri believe that the hickeys were hers was a little difficult but he pulled it off somehow, and if he felt sick afterwards and puked in his bathroom that's only between him and the walls of his house.

 

When the next day Bambam comes to his house he doesn’t even have lunch prepared because they are both fully aware of what they agreed on when he Bambam answered his text, none of them is stupid. 

Yugyeom doesn’t spare a single thought about Yuri while he has Bambam panting underneath him, missing all the calls from his girlfriend. 

 

It was something that was purely physical, at first. Yugyeom was attracted to Bambam and that was it, until it wasn’t just that. Until his thoughts were filled with Bambam and only Bambam. When something exciting happened the first person he wanted to tell was Bambam, and if he thinks about plump lips and Bambam's small frame under him when his with Yuri no one needs to know but himself.

 

The more time they spend with each other the more they ruin themselves, and they keep falling down a whole that doesn’t seem to have an end. Yugyeom manages to pretend nothing is going on, only letting himself break when he’s with Bambam, while Bambam looks like a shell of the person he met a month and a half ago — he barely sleeps, doesn’teven bother to actually dress nicely, and he’s jumpy all the time, thinking everyone will find out about them just by looking at him. 

Bambam didn’t tell him, of course he didn’t, but Yugyeom knows he’s been drinking a little too much lately, but Yugyeom isn’t one to talk much, considering he started smoking to try and blow off the stress. All it actually did was give him something to do with his hands so he won’t break everything in front of him when he feels trapped. 

 

“Let’s end this,” Bambam says one day, the both of them still tangled in the sheets of Yugyeom’s bed. “It’s killing both of us, Yugyeom. It’s wrong and I should’ve never let this happen.”

“Stop blaming yourself for this, it takes two people to do what were doing.”

“What we’re doing,” Bambam echoes and lets out a laugh. “You can't even call it by what it is. It’s cheating the word you’re looking for. We’re cheating!” He suddenly shouts and sits on the bed looking at Yugyeom. “We’re disgusting. We’re sick!” He breaks down crying and Yugyeom pulls him down and holds him tight against his chest. 

“I love you,” Yugyeom says softly rubbing the other man’s back and Bambam suddenly looks at him. “You what?”

“I love you,” he repeats but this time more certain of himself. 

“You can’t love me! You can’t, you can’t,” he repeats it like a mantra as he hits Yugyeom’s chest with the little strength he can manage. “Please don’t love me, don’t do this to me.”

“I’m sorry,” it’s all Yugyeom manages to say still holding the other man in his arms.

They stay like that for a good while and Yugyeom almost misses Bambam whispering ‘I love you’ back. 

 

They never actually end things because they are too weak and in too deep. It got to a point where they don’t care if they are killing themselves little by little as long as they get to have each other, even if it’s in all the wrong ways. 

But then Bambam texts him one day saying he won’t make it to their date and that he left something for him with his mom. 

When he gets there she hands him a letter and gives a look he can’t really understand what it means. 

 

 

(Dear Yugyeom,

I’m sorry I ruined your life. 

I’m sorry I turned you to a path of lies and cheating that ruined you piece by piece, little by little, every moment we spent together. I should’ve never kissed you back and you shouldn’t have kissed me at all. I should’ve never went to your house when I knew exactly what it was going to happen. I ruined you. I ruined _us_!

I’m leaving because if I don’t this circle will just go round and round until one of us breaks completely and there’s to turning back. I’m leaving because you deserve better. _Yuri deserves better!_

She deserves better than a cousin who took advantage of her good will, of her trying to get her boyfriend a stupid friend, and just ended up fucking around with him.

Don’t ask my mom about me or where I went, and even if you’re too stupid to stop yourself from doing it she won’t tell you. 

I meant it when I said I loved you, if I didn’t love you as much as I do I wouldn’t be leaving. It’s because I love you that I can’t see you ruin your life because of someone like me. 

I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about my decision, but I knew if I did I wouldn’t be able to go through with it and I love you too much too ruin you even further. 

Be happy and make Yuri happy! Forget about me. Forget we ever met and that we ever loved each other.

 

Please, please, please, be happy!)

 

 

He doesn’t even realize he’s crying until he’s finding it hard to breathe and his heart feels like it’s gonna jump out of his chest.

Stupid Bambam! Stupid stupid stupid! 

If Bambam had asked Yugyeom to follow him to the end of the world, he would go without even thinking twice about it. He’d leave everything behind and just go. 

 

 

 

+

 

 

In the end he settled for the safest and easiest option. He did what Bambam wanted.

He went back to his mom's house every day for two months asking where Bambam was and if we was doing well, but she never told me where he went, even if she made sure that he knew Bambam was well. Maybe she knew that Yugyeom would run after him the second he found out where he went, or maybe she knew about the whole thing and hated him for ruining her son’s life.

It wasn’t easy for him to live a life that Bambam wasn’t in anymore. Everywhere he went he missed the other man’s presence, missed his hand on his and he even missed how he was immature in the most inopportune moments. 

And when he went back to Bambam’s house for the first time after a year and gave his mom the wedding invitation for her to send it to him it was as if he was giving his heart away for the second time. 

He did write his number on the back of the invitation saying that all Bambam needed to do was call and he would run back to him, wherever he was, but Bambam never did. Months passed and he never called, so Yugyeom forced himself to let go. 

 

 

 


End file.
